Surviving Family During the Holidays
These Tips Could Save Someone’s Life
When I tell friends from out of state that I’m originally from Chicago, their response is always the same: “It must be so nice to have your family nearby.”
And my response to them is also always the same.
“Well … sometimes.”
Holidays usually are not one of those times, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels that way. If you’re nodding your head and smirking right now, chances are pretty good that you’re enduring some combination of the self-righteous unemployed brother who never leaves your parents’ couch, the free-range 4-year-old nephew whacking your shins with a whiffle bat, the serial-bride cousin’s hour-and-45-minute sob story about her latest horrible husband, and your parents constantly asking you why aren’t you married yet and where are my damn grandkids?
Some people try to avoid the whole mess by making up lame excuses to get out of family dinners. (“Seriously, mom, the bowling alley where I’m moonlighting is open on Christmas!”) The problem with this approach is, you don’t want people to figure out that you actually don’t like them at the height of gift-giving season.
Others among us decide to spend six hours biting our lips and crossing our hands, then, as soon as we can leave, devote equal time to drinking ourselves silly. It’s a tempting option, particularly among the natives of the area, because most of us know we’re never moving out of town. Therefore, we can’t risk creating too deep a rift with relatives by saying or doing something that can’t be undone. This may explain why Chicago has a bar on almost every corner.
But there are better ways, like trying to focus on the positive. For example, in my family, we’re fortunate that we don’t have to put up with alcoholics during family dinners. (Or at least I don’t; maybe everyone else at the table does.) Or focus on your allies and team up to help each other out – like making your sister listen to the cousin while you absorb the blows from your nephew.
Then, of course, you can remember that no matter how bad things get, they won’t last forever. The friends I’ve known who have lost a parent would give almost anything for one more pushy question about when the grandkids are coming.
If all else fails, play dumb. When you just can’t take it anymore and blurt something out that cause everyone to turn at you and stare, just shrug your shoulders and give them the wide-eyed look that says you have no idea what you did wrong. Be creative. Try telling mom you missed Thanksgiving because you heard it got moved to the fifth Thursday of November this year. Just try not to do any permanent damage, and sooner or later Santa will reward you.
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